Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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