remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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