Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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