I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize