I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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