I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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