I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All the doctor said was why
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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