I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize