When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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