I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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