glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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