Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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