Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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