Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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