Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's Friday. Sex?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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