Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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