His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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