i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize