sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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