I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE IS GR8
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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