There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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