I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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