I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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