New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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