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I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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