Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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