I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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