I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize