I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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