stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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