Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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