uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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