I faked an abortion last night.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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