if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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