Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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