I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you traded sex for a burrito?
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Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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