she pinky promised me she was 18
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need a beard to bite.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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