Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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