He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
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Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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