It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize