Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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