so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize