MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize