I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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