dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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