rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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