the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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