dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize