So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize