I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize